01 August 2013
Contrary to the victims, perpetrators of domestic violence (when in the relationship) aren't as easy to spot. Read on to find out why and what to look for.
There are two ways to be seen as "superior" or as better then someone else - one's a good way and the other's a bad way. The good way is to possess a talent, quality or skill that differentiates yourself from others; the bad way is to tear others or someone else down in order to rise above – want to guess which way abusers swing?
Everyone loves a good laugh so how can you tell if the joke's really not funny? Easy: with good jokes, everyone's laughing – including the person who may be subject of the joke – but when the subject of the joke is ashamed, uncomfortable or hurt (everyone's laughing except for him/her) it's not a good joke, it's being mean.
A PsyD isn't needed for anyone to pick up on discomfort; it's what prompts us to ask "Are you ok?" because we sense that something isn't right. Abusers like to "make jokes" at their victims' expenses because it keeps victims shut down: quiet, shy, withdrawn and to outsiders it makes victims look undesirable: stupid, silly and/or incompetent.
Try to come to a victim's defense and you'll either become the target of the next "joke" or his aggression (cause then it's not funny anymore) AND she'll "get it" from him once the party's over: "Whose that idiot who said he actually liked your cooking, huh?!" Try to give him "a taste of his own medicine" and she'll get it even worse, especially if the joke hits home or is something she's told you about him.